Salesmanship

Yesterday I came home from work to see a man rolling around in the street and shouting. 

I walked down to ask if he needed help. 

When I got through to him he looked over at me, eyes as wide as possible, and got to his feet. 

He started staggering in my direction, and not in a nice-to-meet-you kind of way. 

Luckily for me, his pants were around his ankles and he couldn't stagger all that fast. 

As he neared, a UPS driver pulled up and honked at him, distracting him. 

"Sir. Sir. Where do you live," she asked me. 

"Right there," I said, pointing at my house. 

"Then go home!" she said. 

I went home. 

From behind my little picket fence I called the cops. The man continued to rave in the street. 

"Is he really a threat, sir?" they asked. "I mean, you did approach him, right?"

Yes, he's a threat. 

They connected me with Dispatch. Same question. Same answer. 

Twenty minutes later the police showed up, followed by the ambulance. 

"Is this guy really a threat?" the police asked. "I mean, we have two available beds at the jail."

This guy seems like a perfect candidate for one of them, I said. 

"Or we can get the ambulance to take him," he said. 

I'm fine with either, I said. 

The ambulance driver came over. 

"Is this guy really a threat," he asked. 

Would you be asking me this question if this was River Ranch, I said. 

There are kids in all these houses. Let's not let the next call be because of some act of violence. 

What would you do to me if I went downtown and did this, my neighbor asked. 

They put him on the stretcher. 

Two hours later I saw him on the street two blocks away.